You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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