thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
