I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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