4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
