i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Houston, we have a blender
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
