hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
