and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
