So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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