what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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