omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
