Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
