I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
