My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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