I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
