Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
