I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
