Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize