and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
