this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
