put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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