Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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