It was confusing and full of hummus
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
