that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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