It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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