Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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