I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pants are for mortals
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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