Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize