So drunk its hurt
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
