We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
