Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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