I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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