I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
