My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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