My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
