My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
In America we eat man semen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
