He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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