New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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