I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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