I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My dick has a subreddit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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