I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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