Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
