at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
