youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
