He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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