your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I party with great urgency now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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