We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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