Just fell off a train. Bad.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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