I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
