My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
