"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
