I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
