So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
