i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
