***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
