the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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