Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
