she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
