with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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