Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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