Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
