Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
