your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize