Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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