Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
