that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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