Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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