Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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