u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
