I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
