Your mouth is God's brothel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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