Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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