I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
