do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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