That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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