Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dont even know how to be here
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
