I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
