I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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