My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
