Michael Bay diarrhea
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
