So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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